The Truth- Part 1



I often find myself doing this, of course it's called breathing. I find myself before speaking or writing, doing breathing exercises. I inhale then exhale slowly, close my eyes for a moment then open them again. It kinda helps calm the nerves.

Here we go.......

I was supposed to be doing a post on my Birthday but that didn't happen due to me preparing for my trip home to Chicago. Ya know, it's funny how the very place you were running from, dying to get away from, ends up being the very place you end up coming back to. I'd said that I would never come back to this place nor the people, yet, I'm here.

There are so many memories here for me, of course because this is my hometown and I had not moved from it until last year. This is the place where my rape occurred. This is the place where I got my heart broken multiple times but nothing compared to the One who REALLY broke it.  There is a twitter/facebook friend of mine who always says, "Hearts don't get broken, expectations do." That statement is something that makes a great deal of sense yet this ain't his blog, now is it? So, on MY blog, I get to say that my heart was broken. :) My heart hurt so much that I needed to get away as fast and as far as my money would allow me to go at the time which was Georgia. This, Chicago, is the place where I had seen and been through so much from the time that I was a young girl up until last year. And let me say, during this post, I don't feel like being the motivator. I just want to tell the truth about how I feel. I don't want to be the one who sees the glass as half full rather than half empty. Not right now. Right now I want to talk about the truth.

The truth is that this road has not been easy. It's been really hard. So hard, that I've thought many times about giving up. I've thought about just going mute, shutting my brain off and just being done with everything and everybody. My reality is that, my mind runs a mile a minute, I'm VERY expressive and I've never had it in me to just give up. So, back to square one. A lot of times you hear people saying, "Be grateful.", "Your situation could be a lot worse than it is.", "There's someone always worse of than you.", Blah, Blah, HELL! Whatever. My problem with those quotes is that they are so cliche and a bunch of bullshit. Of course, it could be worse but if it ever got worse, people would say those exact same quotes leading them to being redundant. So, again, back to square one. I'm here in this familiar, yet unfamiliar place with familiar, yet unfamiliar people all over again. I am here in the very place that I ran from to learn a lesson. Am I prepared to do so? I believe that I am. I believe that the Universe provides you with all of the necessary tools that you need in order to learn, overcome and flourish but you have to be willing to listen and be open to your Spirit. That is what guides you. That is what protects you. Spirit is what keeps me sane and going and I do not take that for granted.

Over the past few years, I have been on a journey of Truth; trying to understand who I am as an individual, as my own person without the opinions or beliefs of others. I have learned to think for myself. I have learned to make decisions without consulting other people first. I have learned to speak my mind, my Truth without being afraid of people giving me the side eye and it feels pretty damn good. It feels good to come into the knowledge of who I truly am without the limiting and programmed beliefs that have been dumped on me since my earlier years. Though, this journey has been hard, draining, and shows no mercy, I really am grateful for every lesson that I have learned. Though, these lessons have taken me through some shit. REALLY! I have cried, yelled and screamed, literally. After the dramatics, I'm able to really learn the lessons which assisted me in evolving into the young woman that I am right now.

Over the next few weeks, I am going to share my Life Lessons with you all. I will talk about how I feel about my rape now, my healing process and my move to Georgia. Until next time.......


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