My Father's Day Reflection

Yesterday,  some of you celebrated Father's Day by presenting your fathers with cards, candy, flowers or what have you. I, however, did not get the opportunity to do so. Am I upset? Naaah. Unfortunately and fortunately, I grew up without my biological father in my life. He left when I was about 8 or 9 and popped back up when I was 20. As the years went by I realized that some of my problems and hangups regarding men came from me not having a father around. I made a lot of mistakes that I feel would've probably had a different outcome had I had him there. Had my Dad been there to say "Baby girl, you are beautiful.", I probably wouldn't have sought those words out from males who said but didn't even close to mean it.  Had my Dad been there to lend his shoulder for me to cry on and say "You are worth more", "You are a queen." when my "highschool sweetheart" supposedly broke my heart (so I thought at the time), I probably wouldn't have continuously allowed him to back into my life and to take advantage of me. Had I had a father there to hug me and kiss me on my forehead and tell me that he loved me, I probably would've never sought out affection from the wrong men. Probably....or probably not.

Is this a blame game? NOPE!

Do I take responsibility for the mistakes that I've made as a defiant and attention seeking teen ? YES!

Do I think that me not having a father around effects the young woman I've grown to be? YES!

Am I going to allow the mistakes that I have made in the past and the fact that my father was and still IS NOT apart of my life define the woman that I am now and destined to become? MOST DEFINITELY NOT!

It's important to reflect back on decisions that you've made and to understand why you made those decisions. It's important to understand the root cause of a thing. If you don't understand why you did something you'll probably never REALLY figure out the necessary steps you need to take in order to move forward and to positively progress into the person you are meant to be.

I loved my father. As a child, I was a daddy's girl. I remember him coming over to visit, late at night. I never understood why he'd show up so late. Maybe he wanted some late night action from my mom? Who knows. Anyhow, I remember him coming over to visit and coming to my room to kiss me good night. He would always asked me "Did you take a bath and brush your teeth?" I would say yes. He would smile and hug me. As he was hugging me he would inhale my body scent and say " baby girl, you smell good." Then he would kiss me on my forehead and leave.

He was always one of those people who never really kept his word. When he would come over to visit, he would get a page (pagers were in "style" back then), and he would say he would be right back then I wouldn't see him either for a couple of days or a couple of weeks. So, how could I have been a daddy's girl if he was never around? I guess I longed for us to be close. I longed for that tight bond between a father and daughter but I never got that and it showed in my dealings with males.

Growing up I never really felt comfortable around older men, especially older guys who would flirt with me. Because I had not developed a healthy and nurturing relationship with my biological father, I did not know how to even begin to just BE around another older man. As I grew older, I began having attractions to older men. Maybe I was looking for fatherly characteristics? Guidance? Love?

I always wonder who is going to walk me down the aisle on my wedding day? I think about  becoming a mother someday and my kids only having two grandmothers and one grandfather.  I think about who's going to walk me down the aisle on my wedding day.

Maybe you can relate to this. Maybe you've lost your father too soon, either due to an illness, death or because he unfortunately did not want to or could not be around. Either way, IT IS OKAY. My hope is that you smile in knowing that you still have beautiful men in your life that do love, support, honor and cherish you. I hope that you walk in your beauty and worth. Know that you are worthy of love and most importantly, YOU ARE LOVED! And for the fathers who somehow believe that their presence isn't just as essential, influential and effective as a mother's presence, you are mistaken. Children need their parents. Daughters and sons need their mommies and daddies. The moment you start to believe they don't, is the moment you begin failing your child.

Below I posted a beautiful video/song by John Mayer entitled "Daughters" He sings about his relationship dealing(s) with a woman who grew up without a father in her life. John Mater is one of my favorite artists and I can relate to the lyrics so I decided to share!!! Enjoy :-)


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